We don’t need love

In the traditional sense, we don’t need love. We don’t need to be with somebody to feel whole. We don’t need to constantly be in love or have somebody to comfort us, to feel happy. And if you do…. then you have an internal problem that you should probably fix because thats really shitty.

Life is so much bigger than love. Although, love is great and all, and our society is basically founded on the idea of falling in love and creating a family. But people just do that because its what’s excepted of them. So many loveless marriages exist. Don’t do it, just to do it. Theres an overpopulation of people anyway, so don’t feel bad about not filling your duties to produce offspring. Seriously. And if your not in love at the moment, who cares.

Go outside, go hiking, do yoga, go on adventures, and see the world. That is happiness. Be one with the outside world. Don’t sit home and watch netflix everyday ( seriously need to take my own advice), because that’s not living. And if you do that and wonder why your life sucks, well theres your answer. Be involved in something. Humans were not meant to sit indoors, we are animals.. so go outside and just fucking be one with the universe.

I have no idea what i’m saying today.



Today, I finally feel good about my future for the first time in ….ever. I haven’t been able to make a decision all summer and just stick with it. It feels good to finalize my life, at least for the next few months. I still have no idea what to expect or what life holds for me, but then again, nobody truly does. I really am tired of making decisions and having to think things through, which is why I am extremely impulsive and regret a lot of the things I do.

On that note, I have stabilized a plan, and i’m just going to fucking live it. Today, make a decision about something and just run with it.

I don’t feel like writing, which is why I haven’t posted much. I’ve been applying to grad schools which blows.


Saying bye to feelings

Do things ever really get better or do we just stop caring? People say that time heals everything and for the most part I find that to absolutely be true. I think the reason time fixes everything is because time helps us to stop caring. When bad things happen, our first instinct is to react- and it usually is a negative reaction.. Then after a few hours prior to that bad event, we usually are still feeling some type of strong emotion about it. Then after a few days those emotions lessen, and eventually reach a point of saturation. It’s like okay fuck, this happened so long ago, I really don’t give a shit anymore. I’m over it. And then, when we think about it and replay the scenario in our head… we just don’t care anymore (usually)

What if we can just skip the part of reacting badly and just go straight to the not caring part? Can we please make that happen. Too much energy is wasted on things and people that aren’t gonna matter in a few days/weeks/months. I am trying to speed through the whole emotion/draining process and get right to the I don’t give a fuck stage.

I’ll let you know if I find the solution and be sure to share. ūüėČ

It’s OUR life

Why can’t people be understanding and empathetic of the choices that people make? We all know¬†those people that find the darkness in every situation and have a rally pointing it out and leeching onto every last point. We are separate individuals and its so difficult constantly dealing with someone who criticizes every move you make. A huge part of life is following what feels right at the time, and if you find yourself in a difficult situation, well your experiencing life at it’s finest. It’s inevitable that you are going to fuck up, tremendously.

Whether its distinct or not, we are essentially all searching for happiness. Everything we do in life, even if it turns out to create sadness, is in the direction of searching for happiness… That end all. Whether that exists or not, we are all on the same journey, looking for the same thing. There is always the exception of people who love misery and sadness… But i’m talking general population. So If we make a few wrong turns- we are not alone. People need to be more accepting and open to others feelings and decisions in life.. because hey, at the end of it all, you can’t control what anyone does. And if you try to, well you suck.

The Best Thing About Being in a Bad Relationship

The best thing about being in a screwed up relationship .. is that when its over you just don’t give a fuck. The reason for that insensitive comment¬†is because most likely, you’ve already been hurt multiple times by straining to stay in a relationship, that is inevitably heading to crash and burn. The damage has already been done, so when you let go, It’s like you can finally breath without feeling like you have 500 pounds on your shoulders. Trying relentlessly to make something work that has no potential is emotionally exhausting and not healthy for both parties in the relationship.

Sometimes we have such a hard time letting go of people because we are in fear of being without that comfort. Comfort can make people afraid of change and expierementing new things in life. Comfort can ultimately lead to making excuses for not changing a situation, getting rid of a bad person in your life, or trying something new.

Staying in a relationship that makes you miserable is not the solution. When you start to resent the person, feel angry toward them for no good reason, start to feel like you would rather be anywhere else but with that person.. It’s time to raise the white flag and MOVE ON.

I’ve been dreaming about escaping to other countries for months now, thinking that running away from my problems and hiding would make them disappear. But, I realize that the problem was closing my eyes to the truth and not taking matters into my own hands and just dealing with them.

If you find yourself in a similar situation, then I am here to tell you that change is¬†necessary for unhappy individuals. Deal with your problems face on and don’t be afraid to just ACT. Life can be so complicated but it can also be stress free. Which one do you choose?

Losing somebody you love

When I started blogging a few days ago I thought I would keep it vague and general. But, there are so many hurt people in this world who suffer from lack of advice or someone to just understand them. Considering, I’ve been through a lot, I feel that I can help people who are struggling with their emotions. Reading a few blogs on this website I saw that many people suffer from broken relationships and death and it gave me an idea of what to blog about today.

The most common misconception of losing somebody you love is that it will get easier or you’ll get over it. I can vouch that it does get easier losing somebody from your life that you were in a relationship or friendship with. It is also possible to completely recover and get over a broken relationship. But losing somebody you love to death seems to stay with you. I think people who have never experienced losing somebody they loved unconditionally to death, don’t fully understand the concept. Death seems like something everyone can relate to, but I’m not so sure it is.

When I lost my mom a few months ago it was expected which helped me a lot through the process because shock wasn’t a factor. The obvious and most difficult part about losing somebody is the fact that they are gone and never coming back. This is why I say it doesn’t get easier and, no, you don’t get over it. Losing somebody who was so important in your life just stays with you. You go through the motions everyday of waking up knowing you won’t see that person, listen to their voice, and touch them.. Ever again. There are days where you think about it constantly, and then there are days where you have a clear mind. You never know what to expect and you never know when it’s going to hit you all over again. The realization after something great or sad happens in your life, and you can’t confide or talk with them about it, sucks. This is when it really gets tough.

As time passes it doesn’t get easier but you do learn to accept the reality of the situation. You learn to live without this person and build a life without them in it. As scary and hard as that sounds, it has a way of working itself out. You will always have amazing memories and a part of them will always be with you because they touched you in so many ways. Whenever I see a ¬†beautiful scenery outside the first person I think of is my mom. The most random and odd things remind me of her, and now i just smile. I know that if I died tomorrow, I would want all the people who love me to be happy and follow their dreams. Instead of crying and mourning over my death I would want them to be reminded of me when they see something beautiful or inspiring. That is the best way to honor a loved one.

Remember to always surround yourself with people who are going to make the process of losing somebody easier and less painful. When shit gets real you realize who’s there for you and who’s not. Get rid of the insensitive people who add to the misery. Even if the person who’s making you miserable is a familiar face and makes you comfortable, don’t be afraid to walk out on them. Trust me, getting rid of a person who makes you feel worse about yourself, even during hardships, feels so much more liberating and makes you unbelievably strong.

Fake people suck

A person who desires something so bad that they change themselves in the process and keep up this fabricated, illusionary personality to win what they want, is just fucking scary. Where do you get across spending all this time and effort in hiding who you are just so that somebody will love you and get unconditional attention. Eventually you can’t keep a lie like that running forever. When the lie fades, so do you.

So many people walk around this life lusting after things or people that aren’t even real. There not real because once you have them, you don’t appreciate it or care like you did before you were without it. Every desire bought is just going to be another desire created.

If you think that a person, a mansion, a luxurious car, a new body, or all the money in the world is going to make an unhappy person happy… you’re wrong. Happiness starts with the self, and the rest is history. Making yourself into this false person will not make you happy and in the end you will just be resented for your lame attempt at hiding your true colors.

But, thanks for the lesson. I’m only that much wiser.

Now what?

“What are your plans now that you graduated college?” Excuse me while I go hide in the darkest cave, and try to muster up the courage to honor my existence, as what should be a productive human being by now. I have absolutely no fucking clue what i’m doing. Do you want to know why I have no clue? Because finding out how to get paid for something you LOVE is harder than getting in a car accident unscathed. I am not settling for a job that makes me emotionally numb nor am I going to dive into the conventional lifestyle that was created for humans and¬†expected of us. I am not afraid to admit that my direction in life looks as promising as my hair looking flawless after I brush it, dry. If you’re a girl with unmanageable hair, you know how scary a picture that¬†paints.

I was always jealous of the ‘whatever people’: People who go with the flow and don’t give too much thought into the future. Typically, they don’t stress about the next big move. Whatever rolls there way is cool man as long as they get paid. Then I realized, that lifestyle is not something I can grasp to. If I had a whatever mentality¬†I would settle for things I knew I could do. I wouldn’t challenge myself. Maybe¬†I wouldn’t lose sleep over whats gonna make me happy or what’s the right move, but I would settle for making 50k doing something thats…whatever.

Us human beings should be aware of the conventional pressure that is put on us to be an exceptional individual of society. Don’t settle for anything less than perfection when it comes to something serious (or not as serious) as life. Whether this resonates with you or not, we are undeniably here to procreate and keep this life ongoing. We are undeniably here to get educated, so we can make money, have kids, and then die. It sounds bleak, conforming, and never-changing, BUT we can choose to be revolutionary. It’s okay to be different and want something more out of this barbaric universe.

Instead of hiding the fact that I have no idea where I want to be in this life, I am going to embrace it. I will take and test different paths in life to help narrow my passions and purpose. I will keep searching until I have that moment where it all just makes sense. What I will never do is allow unhappiness to creep into my existence for a salary and wake up everyday dreading the long upcoming hours. I suggest we humans stick together and encourage each other to do the same. Don’t be afraid to change an unfortunate situation you seem to find yourself in. Don’t be afraid to jump into the unknown and fall flat on your face. Mistakes tell a story and everyone can learn. Share yours.

Now what am I doing with my life? I’m test running shit, fuck off!!